Friday, September 08, 2006

The F'ing Bureaucracy

I forgot to mention that in addition to being great, I am also kind of a wreck. After way too much whiskey on an empty stomach, followed by beer and weeping in an Irish bar, and before that driving around in a city full of the craziest drivers on earth and almost getting hit by a bus, and sitting in the RMV for 3 hours only to be told that I basically don’t exist unless I can produce an oil bill with my name on it (thank god I got divorced, as the decree is about the only document I can use to prove my signature), and now after drinking coffee prepared unlovingly by a well-known donut establishment (I said light! No sugar! And this has like thirty sugars) the shrew state of the union could be most accurately described as “ass.” Or “assy.”

At the same time, I’m kind of digging the challenge. It is clear that they don’t want outsiders here. Particularly people from my backwards podunk state. But goddamnit, I’m not leaving. You need a divorce decree to prove my existence—here it is. And the burned remains of my marriage license, why not. Would this DNA sample suffice for, say, date of birth? You know, I don’t think it’s that they don’t want me here. They just don’t want my car here. Oh, and they don’t want me to work. But that’s a whole other thing I’m too tired to get into right now. But there’s something about all of the obstacles that seem very New England to me. Hands to work, hearts to god, or something. Maybe I’ll convert to Shakerism, so I at least have a good excuse for ending my line. I think there are still Shakers, right? Like 6 of them up in Maine? In the part of the Midwest I’m from, we believe in hard work only if someone else is around to help out. And there’s plenty of port wine cheese spread and deer sausage and Schlitz around when the work is done.

I had to watch a security guard escort a screaming family from the RMV yesterday. I’m not kidding. And instead of horrified, I felt mildly entertained. So there’s that. But then I cried at a bar when the U2 song “Bad” came on. Fortunately NU was there to make me feel like less of a tool. I feel sad and overwhelmed. I feel ecstatic and depressed. I feel abandoned and that I’m finally where I belong. I feel really alone.

Ok, I’m just going to say it. This whole moving thing would be a lot easier with a partner. Fuck.

10 Comments:

Blogger k. said...

on behalf of our city, let me just say, i'm glad you're here

1:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, but there is also this: partners can complicate and even ruin the moving experience as easily as they can assist with it. P gets so stressed out about relocation that he becomes Mr. Hyde for the weeks preceding and following a move, so that I end up thinking it would have been easier to have done it all without him.

I hope the more stressful parts of this transition are over for you soon.

7:02 PM  
Blogger Julia Story said...

Nil: Thank you--you guys make it a lot easier.

Body Mascot: Hi! Yeah, I think moving probably just sucks no matter how many people are involved. I hope you are well...most days here are good, with only several moments of panic per day. Except that one day. That one day was really bad.

5:14 AM  
Blogger Simeon Berry said...

And let me add my assent by saying that you improve the metropolitan vista immeasurably. How else would lonely Manhattans get their validation, despite their fancy glasses and cherries?

6:02 AM  
Blogger Julia Story said...

Oh Manhattans everywhere (well especially at that one place)! You'll never be lonely again.

7:26 AM  
Blogger LCALeasure said...

Moving sucks, but I gotta tell you that now, after almost a full year in one place, things are great. (plus, you've got all the alliterative lovelies of nix, nill, and nu.)
can't y'all move out here next time?

8:21 AM  
Blogger Dan said...

I believe you meant to say "the shrew state of the union could be most accurately described as 'ass' or 'nose-assy." That, too, will pass, of course.

(A sorta PS: Was there a pear involved in the original nose-assiness? For some reason pear is hovering on the edge of that memory but I can't find the poem right now to check.

Which is just plain nose-assy.

Nose-assy. Nose-assy. Nose-assy.

That'll do it for now.)

1:35 PM  
Blogger Julia Story said...

That day was assy. TODAY was nose-assy. The phrase "nose-assy" actually pops into my head with alarming regularity. Also "dog on dog action." And "shrew, what the hell did you do now."

I'm going to check the poem now.

2:04 PM  
Blogger Julia Story said...

"Pear is nose-assy. Permit a sesame hayseed bun."

2:06 PM  
Blogger Dan said...

Ah, we were channeling pure, unadulterated genius that day.

And for the record, pear is still nose-assy.

4:29 PM  

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