Your town is very famous for the little girl whose crying can be heard all around the world
I feel like total crap. I was supposed to go to this wedding this weekend, a wedding I bought a plane ticket for like 3 months ago, back when I thought maybe I'd have shit together by now. Wrong. So last night I cancelled the ticket approximately 12 hours before my plane was supposed to take off. And now I feel horribly guilty, sad, depressed, relieved. I've been pulling stuff like this for quite some time, it feels like. I think I'll be able to go through with something until the very last minute when I'm suddenly like, Oh, actually I can't do that. I can't go to weddings. I may never go to another wedding again. I can't really be social or look at your baby pictures or smile with any sort of sincerity at the sight of some fucking couple holding hands. I can't pretend to be normal. I can't pretend that the fact that I plunked myself down in a completely foreign world with barely any means of supporting myself only two months after getting divorced means nothing to me. Right now I can do the following: cry.
There are other things I want to do. Things I want to watch or listen to as I retreat into my cave of self loathing/pity. But I can't do these things because you-know-who took them. Here's what I currently need, some of which was taken by that fucker, and don't have:
1. The Who's The Who Sell Out
2. All albums by the Red House Painters
3. The Wes Anderson movies
4. The Graduate--that was mine, goddamnit!
5. The Francois Truffault movies
6. Ziggy Stardust
7. For the Burritos-era Gram Parsons to come back from the dead and cuddle with me
8. I really need The Who for some reason. I need it in my car.
9. An ipod because Ijust figured out what one is and I think it may solve many of my problems
10. A job, but I can't even write those words without the panic rising even higher
11. The new Killers album
12. Books written by my friends
13. The new Mary Ruefle book, which may not be out yet
14. A newly unearthed season 8 of Buffy
15. A boyfriend to go get me a bottle of Maker's and then disappear so I can drink it alone
16. Pride and Prejudice on DVD
I'm drinking carrot juice right now that I just got at Whole Foods. I bought it because it was really cheap and I normally really like carrot juice. But this is bitter and strange. Then I just remembered that didn't a batch of carrot juice just give a bunch of people E Coli or something? Cool. I could be sitting in a hot tub at a bachelorette party right now, but instead I'm going to have E Coli alone. I knew there was a reason I stayed home.
I do have some things. Here are the things I have that will help me get through this weekend of shrew-hating:
1. A bed
2. A comforter
3. A warm and loving dachshund
4. Kelly Link (thanks to Nix)
5. A loaf of Seedsational bread (if I can bring myself to eat)
6. The Gram Parson doc but I really shouldn't watch it anymore--it makes me too sad and desperate and lonely
Oh my god, that's it. I was planning on revealing to myself some really surprisingly inspirational information. The truth is I don't have much right now. That's all the news from Depressoland. I'll be in my cave if you need me.
There are other things I want to do. Things I want to watch or listen to as I retreat into my cave of self loathing/pity. But I can't do these things because you-know-who took them. Here's what I currently need, some of which was taken by that fucker, and don't have:
1. The Who's The Who Sell Out
2. All albums by the Red House Painters
3. The Wes Anderson movies
4. The Graduate--that was mine, goddamnit!
5. The Francois Truffault movies
6. Ziggy Stardust
7. For the Burritos-era Gram Parsons to come back from the dead and cuddle with me
8. I really need The Who for some reason. I need it in my car.
9. An ipod because Ijust figured out what one is and I think it may solve many of my problems
10. A job, but I can't even write those words without the panic rising even higher
11. The new Killers album
12. Books written by my friends
13. The new Mary Ruefle book, which may not be out yet
14. A newly unearthed season 8 of Buffy
15. A boyfriend to go get me a bottle of Maker's and then disappear so I can drink it alone
16. Pride and Prejudice on DVD
I'm drinking carrot juice right now that I just got at Whole Foods. I bought it because it was really cheap and I normally really like carrot juice. But this is bitter and strange. Then I just remembered that didn't a batch of carrot juice just give a bunch of people E Coli or something? Cool. I could be sitting in a hot tub at a bachelorette party right now, but instead I'm going to have E Coli alone. I knew there was a reason I stayed home.
I do have some things. Here are the things I have that will help me get through this weekend of shrew-hating:
1. A bed
2. A comforter
3. A warm and loving dachshund
4. Kelly Link (thanks to Nix)
5. A loaf of Seedsational bread (if I can bring myself to eat)
6. The Gram Parson doc but I really shouldn't watch it anymore--it makes me too sad and desperate and lonely
Oh my god, that's it. I was planning on revealing to myself some really surprisingly inspirational information. The truth is I don't have much right now. That's all the news from Depressoland. I'll be in my cave if you need me.
posted by Julia Story at 1:59 PM
5 Comments:
Dear shrew,
Presents on the way, care of nominis umbra. Should arrive in about two weeks.
Love,
bm
For some reason, I HAD to buy The Who yesterday. So I did. (I make copy.) And reading materials I will never read/finish. And TWO loaves of bread. I have no problem with the first and last. I have never had problems eating.
Weddings are lame. Hegghhreaeghliugh. That's me getting a loogie (sp?) out. It's easy. I've been smoking quite frequently these days.
People around me are talking about "black and crusty [and gooey]" objects. So I must go investigate.
My cave (apt word) smells like, um, how to explain. My dog's paws and her nasty crusty ears. Yet somehow I derive comfort from the smallness and that inescapable foot-rot smell. It's my little girl, so.
I don't think I've commented here for a while. I'm afraid to. You have so many readers. And now I can't stop.
Feel free to delete.
BM--really? I can't wait!
Charlie: Can a bum a smoke off you? The Who was also in my sister's CD player the other day. It must be the season.
Yes, really!
Dude. If another person sends me wedding or baby pictures I think I'll kick them in the head. I'm in my own cave, just in time for the rainy season. Good for you for not going to the wedding.
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